Remembering: China • Chengdu • HuangTianBa Part 3 HuangTianBa

HuangTianBa (黄田坝) 

Every time I visit HuangTianBa, a new shock shakes through my body. Buildings just grow out of the ground, taller with each visit. Shops and malls pop out of nowhere and people come and go. I went to China 3 years ago when they just begun the construction of 3 new buildings, right outside my grandparents’ condo. I returned last summer, and was taken aback to see 3 20-storey buildings.

Every time we visit China, my parents always visit the Chengdu Aircraft Industry Group (成都飞机工业集团) where they had formally worked. There were many tall trees crowned with large, healthy leaves and multicolored flowers surrounding the base of the tree. There were shrubs and bushes with tiny red berries and many benches on the campus. The tiles were all cemented on the ground and not one was higher than the other. There were many large murals, clearly depicting airplanes and men smiling. There are plane models but we never saw them; I am only told of them in stories or see them in pictures. We walked along the entire perimeter of the building and my parents recalled many stories from their time there. We circled the living quarters of the worker. Most of the condos were a bit run down and the road was deserted, giving an abandoned feel. The windows were blue, much to my astonishment. My mother pointed one of the buildings and told us that that was where my dad lived. We walked through the whole premises not skipping a single road.

Many years ago, before I started school, I lived with my grandparents and attended a daycare. Every day, we would watch a movie about fuzzy creatures that frightened me. One day, I brought a DVD about 101 things to know. At first, my classmates rejected as they all liked the fuzzy creatures which annoyed and frustrated me a lot. Still, I persisted as I couldn’t stand another day watching the show and the teacher finally decided that it was time for a change of taste.

When I came home from daycare, the first person I would meet was my 2-year-old sister, anticipating my return. Every day, she would bring my slippers over neatly and waited for me to put them on before asking me about my day. I would feel as if a queen, with a servant preening over me or a celebrity followed by a reporter and being asked about every single detail of my school day.

On our evening walk, I would sometimes see someone selling red, candy balls coated with sugar kabobs. The sugar coating would be hard and crunching, cracking when I bit into it while the soft inside was sour. The sweet and sour taste would blast through my mouth and fill my every thought in an instant. At that time, it was my favorite treat and whenever I saw it, I would plead and beg my grandparents to buy it for me.

At night, my grandmother would watch the news, but she never missed the Chinese National Anthem. My sister and I would anticipate all night for my grandmother to turn on the TV and when the familiar tune filled the room, my sister and I would leap off our chairs and start dancing. We pretended we were soldiers, marching on the spot and saluting with professional expressions. Our bodies were stiff and rigid, always erect while we sang along with my grandparents and parents who laughed in the background and cheered for us.

On my previous visit my grandmother Xiang ShiLin (向诗林), whose father (my great grandfather Xian DaiChang 向代昌) was the military Garrison commander of the Chengdu city (成都警备司令),   showed me pins of Chairman Mao. Back in the 1960s, it was mandatory that everyone wore one to show respect for Mao. The pins came in different shape and sizes. Some were rectangular, others were circular, and a few were hexagons. Chairman Mao’s head would be golden on a red background, a sacred color in China. Sometimes, there would be five yellow stars, symbolizing China or the front gate of the Forbidden City. Now, the pins became collectables. I couldn't decide my favorite pin. They were all glittering at me and trying to catch my attention. At first I put one pin on. Suddenly, there would be a bright and colorful pin that I didn't see before and I would add it on to my shirt. Then my eyes rested on one with a unique design and I would pick it up and pin it to my shirt. Before I knew it, I had 5 or 6 pins on my T-shirt.

There is a large colored picture in the middle of the living room right above a drawer depicting my sister and I in traditional Chinese dresses (mine was pink and my sisters was red) holding our hands in a gesture of respect and peace on a red background with fake firecrackers hanging on the right. The picture was taken in a photography store and was specifically bought and framed for my grandparents. Sometimes, my mom points out thing in the house that was there when she was a child and I see many pieces of furniture that sparks fading memories. At night, wrapped in a blanket that seemed somewhat familiar, I took a deep whiff. A flood of memories flashed through my mind, little clips of conversations, the sound of laughter, the joy when my dad visited me and all the places I went. Three generations of my family lived and thrived in China and although my home is on the other side of the earth, my roots have wriggled through miles of land and sea, reaching a place that is embossed in my heart and nourished me. Canada will always be my home but China is my third parent.


Remembering: China • Chengdu • HuangTianBa     Part 1 China
Remembering: China • Chengdu • HuangTianBa     Part 2 Chengdu
Remembering: China • Chengdu • HuangTianBa     Part 3 HuangTianBa

Torus: Chapter 4

"The Big Bang occurred around 13.8 billion years ago and it describes the early development of the universe. The universe was a pinprick of energy and that energy blasted outwards in 10^-37 of a second. At that time, the universe was extremely hot and dense and it began expanding rapidly. Even today, the universe is still expanding, not showing any signs of slowing down. After many years, the universe cooled down enough to let some energy to be converted into subatomic particles."


"What are 'subatomic particles'?" Maxina interrupted.

"Particles that are smaller than atoms", George explained.

"What is smaller than an atom?"

"Neutrons, protons and electrons are all smaller than an atom."

Maxina nodded and George continued on.


"Even though many subatomic particles were formed, it took at least thousands of years before electrically neutral atoms were formed. The particles kept smashing into each other in high speed because of the high temperature creating new particles ."


"What does temperature have to do with the speed of things moving?" wondered Maxina.

Inora sighed, "The higher the temperature, the faster particles moved because they have more energy. Duh."

"Yes", George agreed, "The particles had a lot of energy and zoomed across the universe."

"Cool", Maxina replied as Inora rolled her eyes.


"The first elements formed were hydrogen and traces of helium and lithium. Giant clouds if those elements formed stars and many metals were formed inside those stars, exploding into space in a supernova. The metals and new elements coalesced to form planets, asteroids and comets."


"Who made up the Big Bang theory?" Maxina asked, yet again.

"Georges Lemaître first proposed the idea in 1927", responded George.

Inora looked up."I thought Edwin Hubble thought of the Big Bang".

"Wrong," George explained, "Edwin Hubble only expanded on the idea".

Inora pretended not to notice her sister smirking at her.


"Georges Lemaître was a Belgian cosmologist and Catholic priest. However, many astronomers at the time were uncomfortable that the universe is expanding. The idea that the universe started in a bang seemed absurd. In 1927, Lemaître published in Belgium an unnoticed paper that provided a solution to the equations of General Relativity for an expanding universe. By 1930, other cosmologists had concluded that the static models of the universe the cosmologists had worked on for many years were not correct. Furthermore, Edwin Hubble discovered that the distance to far away galaxies were generally proportioned to red shift. With Hubble’s observations, Lemaître paper convinced the majority of astronomers that the universe was indeed expanding."


"Um ..." Olivia asked nervously. "What is red shift?"

"Red shift happens when light and electromagnet radiation from an object moving away from the observer is increased in wavelength so it looks more red," described George, "Like when a high speed train rushes towards you, the pitch of the sound becomes higher."


"A year later, Lemaître explored the logical consequences of an expanding universe. If the universe is expanding, it would have been smaller in the past. Appealing to the new theory of matter, Lemaître proposed that the universe was initially a single particle which he called the "primitive atom" which exploded and expanded. This, my girls, was the birth of the Big Bang theory."

"So what was before the Big Bang?" Olivia questioned.

"There was nothing, just a blank space", said Olivia, exasperated.

"Actually, there was no 'before' and no 'blank space'", George explained.

 Inora and Olivia gave their father a confused look.

"Time was created when the Big Bang happened. 'Before' is a statement about time so there can be no 'before' the Big Bang", George said.

Inora and Olivia still looked confused.

"If I asked you how your brother looks like, what would you say?" George asked.

"Well, we can't answer because we have no brother," Inora answered.

"Exactly!" George exclaimed. "There was no time before the Big Bang so I can't answer what is before the Big Bang. The concept of 'before' simply didn't exist."

"Okay ... ", Olivia said, still confused.



Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5

My Grandma

When I think of my grandma, I only receive a few memories. The only way I communicate with her is usually through the telephone with my dad. But she can’t remember him. Nor me. A few years ago, she could still remember a couple of events that happened during her childhood. Now, she can't even tell who she was, what she did, etc. It’s not possible to chat with her like a typical grandma. To make her happy, we sing to her. She can still remember a few songs and cheers up when she hears them. She’s my grandma.

She wasn’t always like that. When she was young, she was a scientist. My grandpa, Wang Dao Kui (王道奎) and my grandma, Li Ben En (李本恩) both worked at Nuclear Power Institute of China (中国核动力研究设计院) She and my grandpa were one of the head researchers and their high-tech invention was granted an international patent in March 1995. This patent is now governed by State Intellectual Property Office of P.R.China. But after my grandpa passed away, her memory slowly began to deteriorate.

When my family visits China, I scarcely visit her home. She lives in a obsolete condo with tarnished furniture, situated nearby the heart of the city. Most of her furniture was hand-crafted by my grandpa himself. On her aged walls, hung pictures of my sister and I, the ones that my dad mails to her time and time. When I do visit her, she stares at me as if I were an intruder, making myself at home. Once, we went to a mall with my grandma and as we were waiting in line, I leaned on the shopping cart. I realized that I was being watched. I turned around to find my grandma glaring at me, with ice in her eyes.

“Don’t touch,” she muttered coldly. “I’ll beat you up!”

The look in her eyes, of mock and threat, dared me to object and the calm, but demanding, tone made me slowly back away, inching closer to my mom.

Back at her condo, I dropped down on the seat closest to me, exhausted. My grandma walked in then lingered hesitantly around me. Then, she sat down on the stool, in front of my seat. A few seconds later, she turned around and suddenly smacked my knee. Feeling uncomfortable, I changed spots, getting the message that I was not wanted in that area. The next thing I see, is my grandma sitting on my old seat, with a flash of triumph in her eyes.

Since she can’t remember anything, my dad, uncles or caretaker has to assist her with using the washroom. When someone does, she has no clue of what’s going on and thinks that they are trying to hurt her. She’ll thrash, hit, and yell nasty comments at them. It takes plenty of coaxing, singing, and sweet talking to get her to sit on the toilet. While she is, she’d be grumbling about thieves and how they all are thieves. When she is done, she wouldn’t get up. However they try (by singing, talking with her, acting happy, etc), she would refuse to stand up. It would take a couple of minutes to finally win her over and continue on with the day.

She also can’t eat by herself. Someone has to feed her to prevent her from doing anything rash. Though if I were to feed her, she wouldn’t even take one bite. She would only eat from people that she is familiar or comfortable with, people like my dad. Some days, when she is in a bad mood, she’d refuse to eat anything at all. In those days, someone ought to comfort her and make her feel happier.

When I visited her, a week before we left, my dad’s younger brother (my uncle) took us to as restaurant with my grandma. My mom ended up sitting next to her. My grandma studied my mom’s face with a vacuous expression. Without further ado, she reached over and grabbed my mom's plate. My mom, who didn’t want to make my grandma mad, happily handed over her bowl and utensils as well. When the food arrived, my mom couldn’t eat, for my grandma was still keeping everything hostage, so my dad offered to switch seats with my mom. After my grandma looked at my dad up and down skeptically, to my surprise, she handed him the plates! A few minutes later, while everyone was eating, she picked up a piece of tofu and put it in my dad’s plate. Every once in a while, she would do the same, giving him something that she thinks tastes good.

A few days later, my dad told me a story: the morning before we returned to Canada, my dad visited my grandma again to see her before we leave. During breakfast, her caretaker was trying to feed her, but whatever she tried, didn’t work. 2 minutes passed. Then 5. The whole time my grandma would glance at the food, and then look away. My dad offered to feed her after seeing the stress in the caretaker's face. He doubted that it would work, but when she glanced at the food once more, she leaned in and took a bite.

"I think that she can still remember me deep down," my father said, more to himself than the caretaker. "I think she knows that I'll be leaving for Canada today."

 As he was saying this, my grandma looked over at him and her eyes slowly welled up. Just a bit, but it turned light pink and glassy, like she was holding in tears. She stared at him, as if yearning to be able to say something. But just as it started, she turned back to the T.V. and resumed watching like nothing happened, dry eyes and all. So does she remember, still?

Remembering: China • Chengdu • HuangTianBa Part 2 Chengdu

Chengdu (成都)

The moment we touched Chengdu land, relatives came to our aid; they drove us to my grandparents’ home, helped us find our luggage and carried the heavy duffel bags and backpacks. Relatives or friends would come every day and visit us, some I remembered and some I didn’t recognize. There were so many relatives that it was impossible to keep track. I’ve always known that we had many relatives and family friends, but it ever crossed my mind that it would be on this scale.

Every day or two, someone would invite my family over and treat us to dinner where we taste almost everything on the menu. Our table always winds up with a mountain of decorative plates with barely touched food. One day, my dad’s friend treated us to dinner at a fancy restaurant with multiple glittering chandeliers and a private room the size of my living room. The wall was decorated with heart carvings and our door was wooden with rows of protrusions, representing an ancient looking door. It was furnished with a couch, a coffee table and an aquarium with multiple golden fish. There are more than 4 waiters who attended our every whim, filled our glasses and introduced the platters. Among the dishes was a three-foot long platter piled with fried balls, with a carrot dragon head, almost as tall as the length of the plate, sitting upright on the end of the plate. The head and neck were carved with scales and the eyes give you a feeling that it was alive and smiled with a wise expression. The long mustache hung down, waving in the imaginary wind. The neck was crowned with freshly picked flowers, their fragrance still lingering. None of us eat a lot as we are engrossed in our conversations. So much food is wasted; in fact, most of the food is thrown away. I resent their life style or nature of wasting food, and instead, may invite others for tea while they can chat like what they normally do in restaurants.

The thing that pushes my buttons the most is smoking and it annoys me that people there have a habit of smoking. Any room you walk in, there would be a cigarette odor because there is no specific room or place to smoke. Everyone smokes in restaurants and foggy smog condenses on the ceiling and the stench is eye watering. On the sidewalks, thousands of cigarette butts are flung onto the ground, neglected by the smokers. My uncle smokes a few packs a day and the foul smell surrounds his body for many hours and I try to stay away from him the entire time. Also, more and more people are starting to smoke. My dad, who never smokes in Canada, was wheedled into smoking temporarily.

In Chengdu, there is a street called Jin Li Street (锦里古街). In the Qin Dynasty (秦朝 221 BC - 206 BC), this street was already famous for its cloth and it was one of the busiest streets in the Shu Han Kingdom (蜀汉, 221-263). Sometimes, Jin Li Street is referred as the “First Street of the Shu Kingdom”. In 2008, the street was restored and opened to the public. The street is 350 meters long. The street sells food and other souvenirs like embroidery, calligraphy and paintings. They also sell traditional, ornamental cloths and you can enjoy music and shadow puppetry. My favorite part was the food. There was a huge assortment of food and I wanted to try all of it. I ate something called Donkey Ears, 3 Big Pows and my favorite dish called Liangfen (凉粉) which I had no English translation. It is made out of green been that was grinded into powder, ran through with water and after the mixture dries, it is cut into slippery strips resembling noodles, then added sauces and spices. This dish was already created in the ancient time and was like a Popsicle at that time because of its naturally cold taste. It kept sliding in my mouth, spreading the sharp taste of spices across my tongue and glided down my throat. I kept eating and eating while my stomach was quickly filling up, feeling as if it was going to burst. I looked around and saw much more tempting food, sweet squares decorated with gemlike fruits and pineapple sticky rice. Smells were wafting at me from every corner. I was so disappointed that my stomach was too full to fit another bite.

Aside from the few setbacks, Chengdu has gone a long way from the drab, rundown buildings that I am occasionally told of. Now the buildings are well furnished with brightly lit hallways and the lobbies and are more spacious with glittering chandeliers and waxed tiles. The neighborhoods are nicely decorated with plant life like colorful flowers, healthy grass, many trees and sometimes even bamboo. My aunt and uncle’s apartment has many ponds with fish of any color of the rainbow and small cute turtles that we used to feed. My cousin’s apartment is decorated with bamboo while the buildings in the neighborhood give off an ancient feel.

10 years ago, only few people had cars, but now, seems every family has cars there. Automobiles pop out at every corner and speed away, taking almost impossible turn and every once in a while, a honk would be heard. The streets are constantly jammed and many roads and shortcuts criss cross each other, leaving cars precariously close. The cars squeeze in and out of the tight spaces. The wide roads are filled with little vendors who sell books, freshly roasted chestnuts, fruits and other trinkets. The streets are constantly filled with bustling people, rushing to get to their destinations.

Remembering: China • Chengdu • HuangTianBa     Part 1 China
Remembering: China • Chengdu • HuangTianBa     Part 2 Chengdu
Remembering: China • Chengdu • HuangTianBa     Part 3 HuangTianBa