Quiet The Power of Introverts in a World that can’t Stop Talking

Introverts and extroverts, these are the terms that I first heard of in the book Quiet by Susan Cain. The book informs us about how the world often undervalues introverts and their strengths. It explores how introverts can be as successful as extroverts without having to act like one and it also mentions many myths that come with being an introverts, such as shyness and their tendency of avoiding people. As an orchid child and an introvert, I can often relate to this book.

As a child, I rarely spoke in class and all my teachers would prod me to “come out of my shell”. In group situations, my ideas were always pawned off to the side as it was hard for me to project my ideas. Every time my mouth opened, it seemed as if no one heard me.Whenever there was a chance to work individually, I would. In parent teacher interviews, my teachers would always address the problem of my speaking habits.

“We need to put in a volume button in her and crank it up,” my teacher once joked.

With a laugh, I was wondering inside how I could talk louder; this was my highest volume. How could I speak louder without starting to yell? Once, when I was in a conversation with my friends, my teacher walked by.

“Wow, that’s the most I have ever heard you say,” she laughed.

In school, whenever there were public presentations, I would spend hours in front of a mirror, practicing my speech, and writing little notes at the edge of my cue cards to be louder. During the actual presentation, it seemed to me that I was screaming, yet my teacher still said I was too quiet.

At parties, while everyone was jumping around, dancing and screaming at each other, I preferred to find a corner, silently walking around the edge of the room, only participating occasionally. At recess, while everyone was playing soccer and talking, I found a book and read. My favorite pastime with my friends was to read. I had few very close friends; we were always counted as odd and enjoyed many deep conversations.

My report card always had special comments in the “initiative” section, because of my lack of participation. After many of these cases, in classes, I would put on my extroverted persona and put up my hand to answer all my teachers’ questions, also tried joining in on my extroverted classmates’ conversation, but felt out of place. When I wanted to talk about the latest best-seller, everyone else was talking about the latest trend in shoes. Growing up in an Asian American family, I was always encouraged to study and even though my parents always welcomed my friends over, my main priority was to study.

According to this book,I was categorized as an introvert, a part of almost half of the population. It now makes sense why I hated conflict so and was always aware of what word comes next. In arguments, I would either give in and agree, or back away. Many people took advantage of that and wheedled and coaxed me into giving them a favor. I have learned through the book that saying "no" and hissing doesn't necessarily offend or hurt others and can even win respect.

Learning from Quiet, I was able to balance my introverted habits with my normal day, filled with participating in class and tutoring others. Even though at times, my shyness kicks in, the book helped me a lot. Not only do I accept myself, but have also found many introverted friends who share the same interests as me.

In class, it is easier to put on my extrovert persona after a good hour of reading, and also easier to hold interesting conversations with others having different personalities. When doing fundraisers, I project my ideas more often and using my quiet determination, am able to get others to listen.

While my extroverted friends accept the fact that I don't participate a lot, on the other hand, I try to contribute more ideas onto our discussions.

“Matthew, much to his own surprise, was enjoying himself. Like most quiet folks he liked talkative people when they were willing to do the talking themselves and did not expect him to keep up his end of it,”
L.M. Montgomery the author of Anne of Green Gables wrote.

In general, introverts should stay introverts, as they have their strengths as well. Although the world may still be admiring the reckless and fearless extroverts, we can change that by joining the Quiet Revolution. Introverts are like buried treasure, they are priceless, but just prefer to be hidden.

Go to http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/susan-cain-ted-talk-2014-quiet-revolution/ for more on the Quiet Revolution.

Is Win-Win the Solution

Sean Covey, following his father’s (Stephen R. Covey) path, wrote a book: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. It guides through 7 crucial habits to help with becoming a successful teen. One of the habits is to think Win-Win. In any conflict, there is always a way to solve it where almost everyone can benefit or is fine with the solution. Thinking Win-Win is beneficial to many people and can help with making friends and maintaining friendship, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes Win-Win is not a win.

Win –Win is an outcome of a few. There is Win-Lose, Lose-win and Lose-Lose. Win-Lose results in a situation where the other person ‘loses’ or doesn't agree with the situation. Lose-Win is a pleaser. It’s essentially: As long as others are pleased, it’s okay to lose. Lose-Lose is when everybody has to lose when and if I don’t win.

Out of the four outcomes, Win-Win is the fairest way out. Everyone will be happy and they won’t feel cheated on or feel that they are less superior. If a group of people can come up with a solution where they all benefit, then no one is left out. If one person ‘loses’ they will feel angry and sad at the same time. Friendship will be severed and revenge could be on the way.

More and more people will continue to work together if they know that most of the time they can find a good solution. Thinking Win-Win, along with the benefits, are also evident in the guidebook: Everyday Leadership by Mariam G. MacGregor. When leaders think Win-Win, people will enjoy following them, knowing that they will get their fair share from the deal. They will have trust in their decisions and are more likely to help out. They won't feel as if they can never profit or feel put down.

I have once heard an idiom that defines the different levels in our society. Fueling the fire, keeping up with the Joneses, tangoing twos. Basically, the ones at the bottom struggle hard to get necessary items. They are ‘fueling the fire’ and taking whatever they can find, trying to push others down so that they can rise.

The middle-class people are ‘keeping up with the Joneses’. They have plenty of what they need, but still feel the urge to get more. They compare their gains to those of their friends and neighbors, only feeling good when they have more. They constantly evaluate the different items of their friends’ and looking down at what they have themselves.

The ones at the top decide to help each other. They connect their forces and help each other rise. They acknowledge the fact that it takes two to tango, so by helping each other, they are safe and stabilized. These people are thinking Win-Win. If one lends a hand to another, then they can win and so can everyone else. The wealthy inhabitants of our world assist each other to continue to increase in sales and power. If they are thinking Win-Win, then should everyone else?

Thus said, Win-Win seems to result in a perfect solution – for a perfect world. Everyone is on board and content, but the modern world isn’t the perfect image. Though there aren’t anymore physical wars, countries are competing against each other for a good economy. There is a lot of business and management of welfare and businessmen take Win-Win as an advantage. They will think Win-Win is an easy way to get what they want. Companies who wish their rivals’ good being do not last long, for there can only be one Apple Inc. and only one Wendy’s. The markets that hope for another’s good sales will probably decrease in sales themselves.

There are also times when the best Win-Win solution isn't fit for everyone. Usually there is at least one person that will not fully benefit. It holds a risk of losing so that most people can win. Also, in all competition activities (such as in school, work, or sports) and there could only be one winner, what would happen? Giving up would be Lose-Win and trying to make others lose would be Lose-Lose. So in this case what would be Win-Win? Not everyone can win everything.

Win-Win is a fair choice for many people but the world isn’t fair. In middle-class business and/or marketing, it is best to first think of yourself. Once the company is stable and strong, then it is well to help others. To become successful, it is important to balance the use of different strategies. With friends, families and neighbours, it’s best to let them all be a winner in everyday conflicts. This way, friendships can remain and new bonds can be created. Yet when in competitive sports and work, try to succeed first before assisting others.



“We win justice quickest by rendering justice to the other party” ~ M. Gandhi

Ascent

We arrived at the ski resort with a few bumps in the road. Today, we would be skiing. Although my sister and I had only gone once before, the thought of sliding down ski hills made us squeal with excitement. The gate was wide open, beckoning us in and we followed a series of cars like well-trained ducklings up a small ascent. We spotted some mountains in the distance and small dots sliding down and we instantly began to chatter. Until we suddenly stopped.